DREAD. When the sun would descend, my anxiety around food would rise up.
I couldn’t help myself. The pull towards the refrigerator or the pantry was too strong.
“Why do I even have this stuff in my house in the first place?!” I would ask myself. “This is the LAST TIME I’m doing this. And I mean it!” Since it had been declared that this was the LAST TIME, all of the forbidden food needed to be gone, and I was the woman for the job.
Hearing footsteps up the stairs or down the hall, I would race to the trash can and stuff the wrappers beneath the first layer of trash. It didn’t matter how foul the trash was, it was nothing compared to how disgusting I felt inside.
“This is what you deserve”, I would tell myself. “…for not having the willpower or strength to control yourself. You deserve to sit alone in the dark eating and sifting through the garbage like the trash you are.”
Of course, that LAST TIME was not the last time I ate in secret or hid my binge eating aftermath. It couldn’t be the last time if I had not changed how I saw myself. You see, it’s difficult to simultaneously love yourself and treat yourself like garbage. ❤️
Although I knew there was something more beneath the late-night eating sessions, I couldn't seem to grasp what that was. Until I could.
Sometimes you just can’t see things until you can. My intuition was ready to show me my potential long before I allowed myself to hear it. But the beautiful thing about your body and your intuition is that it’s always there, whispering to you, nudging you towards the truth. That truth is: You are enough. You are love. You are worthy.
If you haven’t been able to hear your inner whispering yet, perhaps you’re reading this for a reason. I have been in the darkness, both literally and figuratively. And I’ve also been able to find myself into the light, which for me looks like eating from a place of freedom and peace. It also looks like using these gifts to empower other women to step into their authenticity so they no longer need to obsess about food and their body. If you’re ready, follow this link to reach out- I'm here!
About Jessica Leigh Wellbeing
At Jessica Leigh Wellbeing, I support women in discovering the wisdom in their body's cravings.
I utilize a customized multi-faceted approach that addresses the psychology of eating, intuitive movement, energy healing, bodywork & more.
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